i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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