I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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