I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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