Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Mom said you looked used
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
