Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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