a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize