Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
