I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
