Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
