Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
