how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
