I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize