Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
