Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
