So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
