Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I intend to get homeless drunk
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
