My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
