it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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