come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
