Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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