a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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