I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
