so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
