okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
