just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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