i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
