My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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