she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
