So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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