Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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