i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
