no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
