Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
