You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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