I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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