i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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