My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
