Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My balls are so social today.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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