he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
