"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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