By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
