After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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