Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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