I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All I want is dick and wine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
