this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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