So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
