I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
