we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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