i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
