Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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