Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
