Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Randomize