You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
