Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i now understand why vodka
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
