I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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