Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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