a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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