I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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