She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
