i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
