Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
