So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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