im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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