Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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