I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
