It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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