I threw up into my coffee this morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
