Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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