fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
