I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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