we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
