My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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