'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
