At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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