Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
