Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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