so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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