I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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