i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
