like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
