i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
