Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
