I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
