weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
