I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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