which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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