I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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