Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i drank out of a bidet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
