we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
