Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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