that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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