I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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