dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
