The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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