I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
